First Suspect, Second Victim
by SLJ
Summary: What if the magic bean never existed and Snow, Emma, Aurora, Mulan and Hook were still trying to find a way to Storybrooke, one year later? What if during that time Aurora fell for Hook? Mulan questions and pushes the boundaries of love, honour, loyalty, friendship and sacrifice. This is a Sleeping Warrior one-shot. Mulan's POV.


Author's Notes:  
**Caution:** Tragic fic. Does not include a happy ending.  
**Who:** This is a Sleeping Warrior one-shot. Mulan's POV.  
**What:** Mulan questions and pushes the boundaries of love, honour, loyalty, friendship and sacrifice.  
**Where:** In the Enchanted Forest.  
**Summary:** What if the magic bean never existed and Snow, Emma, Aurora, Mulan and Hook were still trying to find a way to Storybrooke, one year later? What if during that time Aurora fell for Hook?

**Dedications:**  
_Even though it's um, not the happiest subject matter, this fic is dedicated to loverofallfluffythings. As one of my first friends on Tumblr, she's been so wonderfully kind and caring. Thank you for believing in me. Furthermore, she was this fic's beta reader and did a lovely job with editing. =] Again, thank you, Alyce!  
_

* * *

_"Morning will come and I'll do what's right,_  
_Just give till then to give up this fight,_  
_And I'll give up this fight,_  
_'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't,_  
_I can't make your heart feel something it won't,_  
_Here in the dark in these final hours,_  
_I will lay down my heart..."_

**I Can't Make You Love Me / Nick of Time** by Bon Iver  


* * *

I do love you. I've known it, ever since I made that promise to Philip.

It's too bad that you and I could never be...  
…That you and I weren't meant to be.

Every morning I reflect on the adventures that we had together, and every night I imagine the adventures that we could have had. I sit here, in a cell that once held Rumpelstiltskin, engulfed in a loop of what was once my life. For this is all I have left, and all I will have for many years to come.

I killed him.  
That is my sin.  
…But I do not regret it.

It was something that I alone could do, for there was no other way. Hook, that bastard, your former beloved. I had to. For the safety of you, Emma, and Snow… He had to be stopped. His heart was already too twisted and dark, even if you didn't notice. I forgive you though, because love is capable of blinding us all.

The night that changed everything is forever etched in my memory. Rightfully, it was Hook's turn to take watch, but I had never trusted him to do that. His vision seemed narrow and he was prone to falling asleep. So I took it upon myself to take double watches, my slot always immediately before his. Of course, I hid from Hook and didn't tell anyone because my actions were only to put my own mind at ease. I'm sure the princess would have deemed my caution unnecessary but I'm glad that I stuck to my intuition. I witnessed Hook talking to Cora in the moonlight. I heard them plotting. And while keeping watch up a nearby tree, I discovered the horrid truth. They were planning to kill us all.

Cora had found another way to Emma's home and said that we were no longer needed. She was going to kill us herself, but Hook convinced her otherwise. I thought he would protest, I thought he would object. But no, he exchanged one cruel fate for another. Hook was going to steal your heart and force you to kill your friends in their slumber. He wanted to use you as a puppet, to own you like a toy.

Those words shocked me to the core. I had thought he loved you! I had thought he had honour! So what else could I have done? It would have been easy to ambush him when he passed below me. I didn't want to wait for things to complicate later on. I didn't want to risk anyone getting hurt. I didn't want to think about what would happen if they captured you. Would I have obeyed their every command for fear that they would make you commit treacherous acts that would betray all you stand for? I could never allow someone to do that to you. I would rather face all the horrors of the world alone than know I failed to protect you. But when returned to the campsite, I hesitated...

…Because you loved Hook.  
...And I couldn't bear to see him break your heart.

You had spent numerous nights telling me of his gentle nature and caring eyes. You had said you felt lucky to have crossed paths with him and that, although he could never replace Philip, the warmth he filled you with rivaled the heart you thought frozen. I had noticed how much more alive you seemed after he told you he loved you and I could tell that you completely believed him… For I was the first to know that you loved him too.

Yes… You did crack my heart.

…But you didn't break it, because I kept my feelings a secret. I was jealous; although that was probably obvious. And I felt completely dejected for a time, cursing the promise I had made that bound me to you and wondering whether it was even necessary. But your smile towards me never faltered, never once made me believe that you cared for me any less than before. In fact, I knew our friendship had grown significantly. Rarely did we separate for more than a few hours during our travels. I realized that I was simply happy to be with you, for a life of honour could outweigh thoughts of the love I would never know. Besides, it's not like I didn't have _any_ of your love. You said I was your best friend, and that was a cause worth fighting for. But ever since I was forced to make a decision… Things have changed. For your sake, I'm going to have to live without you as a friend.

I wanted to believe he was good, that maybe his words to Cora were lies. I wanted to trust him as you did. We had all traveled together and he had been useful; he'd earned the benefit of the doubt by any standard. "There is no way all of this could mean nothing to him..." I tried to tell myself. But a splinter of doubt arose in question form... If his story was true, what if his hate for Rumpelstiltzkin had consumed him? What if Cora had promised to take him along, to help him exact revenge on his greatest foe?

And... Oh great ancestors, why didn't I immediately drop down on him? Did I confuse my jealousy with my instincts?! I watched him enter your tent which was a few feet away from my tree, then witnessed him return moments later with a heart in his hand... _Your_ heart! I swear time stopped; I had frozen. Never had I felt more dread in my life. I didn't know whether you were dead or alive. I saw my own future vanish as I saw that still-beating heart in his hand. But then I was able to breathe again. "How is such a thing possible?" I questioned myself. I quickly recalled what Hook had said about making you his puppet. Cora's magic must have been involved. So, perched with fury upon the branch, I had only moments to decide on what to do.

It was unfortunate, but I could only foresee two outcomes at the time.  
To break your heart… And mine.  
Or to let Hook break it… And save mine.

…Perhaps this is the part of the story where many would call me a fool, for I chose to kill him so that he couldn't. My reason though, is because you truly loved him and I couldn't bear to see your heart shatter. The love that you felt for him was genuine; it must have been what was countering the terrors you normally dreamt of at night. Surely you could move on with Hook murdered, for you'd still have me around to blame, to be angry at. Instead of debilitating sadness, you would have hatred instead. You could use that energy to be productive throughout your life and I'm sure given time, to move on. But if you were heartbroken…

How could I let you scorn yourself for believing him? Especially since he could have made you kill Emma, Snow and myself? To be trapped in a curse while asleep and then trapped in an unwilling body while awake is a hell I could not even fathom. Yes, killing him was the right choice. I admit, a part of me wanted to wait for events to unravel themselves, for me to be the hero. There was a possibility for that.

…But that would have been selfish.  
I would have become selfish in the name of glory.  
…And although my actions speak otherwise right now, at least I can call myself a true friend of yours.

Besides, there was also the risk of one of us becoming mortally wounded. I didn't know whether your heart could stop with a simple squeeze or a sudden fall. I would have ended up blaming myself for eternity if I had gambled with fate and lost. But I admit, I had also wanted events to unravel by themselves so that you could see the true Hook. So that I could prove to you and everyone else that he was undeserving of your love.

Unexpectedly, my choice raised another question… Could you live regretting true love more than our friendship? I didn't know the answer, and I still don't… But I knew that I'd prefer you hating me rather than yourself.

…But that would also be selfish.  
…I couldn't let you hate that which I love.

So, I had descended swiftly from the tree and stabbed him in the back while he marveled at your heart. It was such an easy motion, one I had done countless times during the war. But never in my life had a death weighed so heavily. I couldn't linger on those thoughts anymore, I told myself, for the deed had been done, and I needed to be by your side. So I pried your heart from Hook's hand before he fell then looked in Cora's direction. I had expected to fight her but she simply locked eyes with me, smiled and vanished. So I put it out of mind and raced into your tent. However, while gazing upon you, I was at a loss. You were still breathing, which was a relief, but what was I to say when you awoke? I could not lie to you, besides, you would have seen right through it. What could I have possibly told you to make you believe what I believed you should?

"Aurora... I killed him because I love you and I could not bear to see him hold your heart any longer."

I was so afraid that I would be too weak to withhold the whole truth, especially when you had whispered your disbelief. I am thankful that Emma did; perhaps she and Hook had been closer friends than I originally thought. It became easier to follow through with my plan after that. It felt like the longest day I had ever known. And yet, for all the happiness that deserted me it was strangely liberating to have been able to tell you all of my feelings in earnest. I had conveyed how much you meant to me, and even though you told me that you were disgusted by me and wanted me dead, you still meant the world to me.

I love you, more than you will ever know.  
I always will.

As I sit in this cell, I can only hope for the day when you'll come to forgive me. I dream about continuing where we left off, even though I'm quite sure I killed that dream too. But, even if I never get to see you again, it won't be so bad… Because the moment I killed Hook, I accepted that it would be my death too. Because of what I had done, because of my silence, he'll always be remembered by you as the one deserving of your love. That thought infuriates me to no end but I know this outcome had to happen… So that you could continue to live and continue to love. Yes, I did the right thing. Love is a sacrifice you never regret.

I am confined to this cell as the first suspect, but truthfully, after the princess, I'm the second victim.


End file.
